in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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