My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
