i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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