O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
