i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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