your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
someone owes me an orgasm
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
