dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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