the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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