you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
