true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
