I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
