I wish my penis had an off switch
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
