bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
