Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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