she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
