I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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