Your face is a jimmy john
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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