I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
