Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
