if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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