Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
