We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
