Sry I called you an 8
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
