Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
