Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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