i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
