they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
