My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
