doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
