look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
