Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
