FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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