Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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