My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
