btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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