you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
