omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
