you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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