k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
