Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
