I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
