I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
