I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
