I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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