My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
