I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize