I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
