I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
