Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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