So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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