Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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