Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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