Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
