god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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