They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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