i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize