i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
