Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize