There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
