Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
