you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
