It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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