Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
