My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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