Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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