I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize