Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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